The ultimate beginner's guide to bondage: Ties, positions, kink tests, and safe BDSM practices
Bondage and BDSM might sound intimidating if you're new to it but its more popular than you think. According to recent stats from HAWC and HAWC surveys in 2025, about 20% of adults have tried some form of BDSM, and over 40% admit to fantasizing about it. That's a lot of people exploring this side of intimacy. If you're curious about adding a bit of restraint to your sex life, this guide is for you. We'll cover the basics starting with safety because that's the most important part, then move into simple ties, positions, and even how to figure out your own kinks with a test. Remember this is all about consent and fun; if it doesn't feel right don't do it.
Flertz.com is a site where adults connect for casual fun, including those interested in kink. It's a good place to find partners who share your interests but always prioritize safety first. Let's get into it.
Safety first: The foundation of any BDSM play
Before you even touch a rope you need to talk safety. BDSM isn't about pain or control without rules - it's about trust. The key principles are Safe, Sane, and Consensual (SSC), or Risk-Aware Consensual Kink (RACK) for those who like a bit more edge. From what I read on DomSubLiving and HAWC, always set ground rules with your partner. Discuss limits what you're okay with and what’s off the table. Use safe words like "red" for stop, "yellow" for slow down, and "green" for all good.
Aftercare is huge too. After a session cuddle talk about what felt good and what didn't. It helps avoid emotional drops. HAWC mentions making consent "sexy" by turning it into part of the play, like whispering what you want to do and getting a yes. And practice tools safely - use quick-release knots or scissors nearby for emergencies. Never leave someone tied alone, and check circulation often; if fingers tingle, loosen up. If you're new start slow no need to jump into advanced stuff.
Bondage basics for beginners
Bondage is all about restraint to heighten sensation. For beginners, start with soft materials like silk scarves or velcro cuffs - easier than rope and less intimidating. From RopeConnections and Shibari Academy, the single-column tie is the first you should learn. It’s basically wrapping rope around a "column" like a wrist or ankle.
Here’s a simple step-by-step for a single-column tie: Find the middle of your rope (the bight). Wrap it around the wrist twice leaving space for two fingers to slip in. Cross the ends under, then wrap them around again and tie a square knot. Pull gently to test - it should be snug but not tight. Practice on yourself first to get the feel.
Light bondage ideas from Kinkly include tying hands to the bedpost or blindfolding while teasing with feathers. Keep sessions short at first, maybe 10-15 minutes, to build comfort.
Popular bondage ties: Step-by-step tutorials
Once you're comfy with basics try these popular ties. From Autostraddle and TheDuchy, the double-column tie is great for binding wrists together.
For a crotch rope (high search term, so let's cover it safely): Use soft rope. Start with a loop around the waist, bring it between the legs, and tie it back. Adjust for comfort - never too tight to avoid nerve damage. It's for sensation not restriction.
Frog tie: Bend the leg so heel touches butt, wrap rope around thigh and shin. Good for positions where legs are spread.
Breast bondage: Wrap rope around the base of the breasts in a figure-eight pattern. Be gentle to avoid bruising; not for everyone.
Always use rope that's 6-8mm thick, cotton or hemp for beginners - nylon can slip. From Bad Girls Bible, practice on a pillow first.
Bondage positions to try with your partner
Positions make bondage exciting. From Men's Health and Bad Girls Bible, here are some:
1. Spread Eagle: Tie wrists and ankles to bed corners. Great for teasing.
2. Hogtie: Bind wrists behind back, ankles together, connect them. Intense, so short sessions.
3. Chair Bondage: Tie to a chair for oral or lap play.
4. Standing Spread: Arms above head, legs spread - good for impact play if that's your thing.
5. Doggy with Ties: Hands tied to headboard, legs free.
From Pure Romance, start with partner on back for eye contact. Communicate constantly.
Discovering your kinks: Take a kink test
Not sure what you like? A kink test helps. Popular ones like Sin Personals Kink Test let you answer questions on preferences - from vanilla to extreme. Results give percentages like 80% Switch or 60% Rope Bunny. From HAWC, use it as a conversation starter with partners. Flertz.com has similar quizzes to match you with kink-compatible folks.
Advanced tips: Moving into shibari and beyond
Shibari, Japanese rope art, is aesthetic bondage. From YouTube tutorials like Gorgone’s on Shibari Study, start with basic harnesses. Use jute rope for grip. Advanced: Suspension, but that's for experts - requires rigging knowledge to avoid injury.
Types of bondage: Rope, cuffs, tape. From Bedbible, mix with sensory play like blindfolds.
Wrapping up: Start safe, have fun, and connect on Flertz
Bondage can spice up your sex life but always prioritize safety and consent. Start slow, communicate, and build trust. If you're looking to find partners who share your interests, check out Flertz.com - our community is full of open-minded adults ready for casual, kinky fun. Sign up free and see who’s in your area. Remember, it's about mutual enjoyment so have fun exploring.